why love? A guest comment.

A dear friend had a look at my earlier research proposal (pre – Emotional Energy) and shared a few of her comments/observations/insights. I am just enthralled that this topic can generate such engagement. I asked her if I could post her comment here and she agreed, thanks P.

I remember indicating to you that  I didn’t understand, why you had to drug ‘love’ into the whole HIV and law discussion. I am afraid but I still don’t, forgive my ignorance. Like I mentioned, I clearly understand the link between law and HIV –  essentially we are talking legislations and/or policies to ensure governments meet obligations to ensure prevention and control of the spread of virus, regulating health care provisions for the infected, care for the affected, criminalising deliberate infection etc.

I do understand where you are coming from on love though. In Uganda, it is said that HIV rates are more prevalent in married couples. There is now a whole campaign about sexual networks leading to the spread of the virus. Like X is married to Y and sleeping with Z who is sleeping with A and B, who is sleeping with F, who sleeps with G etc etc. The underlying message is to get off the sexual network and be faithful to ones partner….they don’t say, if you love your wife/husband/children, you would cheat on them but that is sort of the implication for people in our social category – you know, the socially elite group. What about the larger section of society, is that how they approach love, marriage, relationships? Let’s face it, practices that wife inheritance, sperm donors (u know that practice) can be interpreted as a show of love but well, may spread the virus.   

  To be truthful, I find the ‘love’ as a concept extremely elusive, who really understands it? I don’t! The fact that a husband cheats on his wife, does that necessarily mean, she is not loved? Or would we say, if you love her, you will always remember to wear a condom, or just tell her when you cheat? Even the actions we undertake in the name of love are as diverse and most times contradictory as the people on this planet. Who is to decide which is correct? Besides, I still believe that most people infect others unknowingly – there are cases of malicious infections but most is still done unknowing (I have done no research on this, correct me if I am wrong). I guess one would argue that knowing one’s HIV status should be part of the love you show to your partner– right? I don’t know, but I am certain that most people do not take HIV tests for fear, it’s the stigma attached to the condition not lack of love for a sexual partner.

I remember you had – ‘I am African and I love…’ thing on your Facebook and the explanation was that, someone/people suggest that HIV/AIDS is most prevalent in Africa because the African does not have the capacity to love. I think that is absurd! What essentially this means is that the African is more promiscuous, do not understand/practice fidelity/do not share information with spouses etc I don’t believe for one second, that an African is more promiscuous than a European, American or Asian – we live and work in an international community, and I don’t see the difference in social behaviour among the races, maybe certain social behaviour is exaggerated in one continent/country more than the other – that is usually because of legal/social oversight. For instance, it is common to bump into a gay European than an African – the only reason is that the laws in Europe protects and  does not take offence to one being gay, but in Africa, it’s opposite. It does not in any way indicate that African men are not gay or that there are fewer gay people in Africa than Europe – not necessarily.   

In addition, even in sub-Saharan Africa most affected, HIV rates are highest in Southern and Eastern Africa and a lot lower in West and Central Africa. Does that mean that the West African has more capacity to love, than the Southern African for instance? Or that the West African is less promiscuous? The scientist I talked to, blamed it on population trends – more people in Nigeria than South African for instance, accounting for higher rates in South Africa – so what about Sierra Leone a country of 5 million with less than 2% HIV rates, compared to Swaziland, a country of more or less the same population but with over 40% HIV rates. Has the Sierra Leonean got more capacity to love than the Swazi? Is the Sierra Leonean less promiscuous? I don’t think so.

Many will say, poverty and lack of information, access to prevention measures accounts for the high prevalence rates in Sub-Saharan Africa. This absolutely counts – and we evidently see reduction in prevalence rates where people are more informed but my questions on the prevalence in Southern and Eastern Africa compared to West Africa still remains. People in Sierra Leone and Burkina Faso, may be poorer and have less information than those in Swaziland and Lesotho but the rates – tell another story.

Researchers recently reported that they may have cured a man in Germany of HIV from a stem cell transplant that made the donor naturally resistant to infection with HIV. I don’t know if there is any statistic on the people with this gene mutation and the continental and racial distribution – science I believe is the answer to the prevalence rates – not necessarily social behaviour – we all behave ‘badly’ or ‘well’ no matter our race, country or social standing – but some are more susceptible to the infection than others.

I did mention this to my HIV scientist friend that I met in Nairobi, I actually told her that I knew 3 people in Uganda with natural resistance to the virus and I do know them – she dismissed it, there is no such thing, she said. Anyways, she is a scientist – if you haven’t proved it, it doesn’t exist, must be there motto. Have you read Uganda’s election petition 1 of 2001 (Byesigye V. Museveni) it’s interesting and a retired army major Rubaramira gives evidence to this effect. Museveni during the campaigns stated that Byesigye has aids and Besigye claims that, Museveni’s statement cost him votes. In his defence, Museveni said, he said Besigye has aids, cause he believed it to be true – after all, Byesigye’s wife who he knew well died of aids. Rubaramira’s testimony in response to Museveni was that, just because your spouse may have the virus, does not mean that you too have. Remember gave the example of himself. He is HIV positive, so is his first wife but the second wife isn’t and he continues to have unprotected sexual relations with both. I think the case is available electronically – it’s an interesting read.

There is definitely a link between fidelity/promiscuity and the spread of HIV – I don’t understand what these sexual behaviours have to do with love though.

That said, I think you are enjoying your research and the good thing about your topic is that almost everybody will have an opinion. You could go to a café and talk to the lady on the next table about it, you could talk about it, with a random person you meet in a pub, gym, library etc that makes it special and interesting research. Enjoy and let me know your progress.